Stewie: What is this? A poopie, or a Toblerone?

Lifetime: television for idiots.

Cleveland: You're the white version of a black guy who's not good with his money.

Cleveland: My accountant, Larry Rosenblatt, just got me a huge tax refund, and tickets to "Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk. The noise was good, but I thought they phoned in a lot of the funk."

Peter: This is my special friend, Max Weinstein. He's Jewish.
Lois: Oooh, my, how exotic.
Max: Thank you?

Peter: They'd better not be expectin' us to give money, 'cause I already gave at church last Sunday and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God.