Quotes from Screwed the Pooch

Chris: Monkeys throw their poo!

Stewie: I am going to kick your ass.

Brian: Sorry, uh, I thought I smelled... cookies.

Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Would you like a piece of candy?
Stewie: I smell death on you.

Peter: Hey, where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He said he'd give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my clothes off.

Mr. Pewterschmidt: I'd rather be stuck in an elevator with Nathan Lane, Gilbert Godfrey, Carrot Top... uh... Sean Hayes. Well, you get the picture.

Michael Eisner: I gotta be at Disneyland before it opens. We're ethnically cleansing the Small World ride.

Peter: Hey, anybody got a quarter?
Bill Gates: What's a quarter?

Ed's Motel: as seen on America's Most Wanted

Peter: If I was half the parent Brian is, I'd know that Chris's favorite ice cream is...
Brian: Chocolate chip.
Peter: And Stewie's favorite bed-time story is...
Brian: Goodnight Moon.
Peter: And Meg's real father's name is...
Brian: Stan Thompson.

Peter: You know what's funny? I always thought that dogs laid eggs, and I learned something today.

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