Quotes from Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High

In the television comedy world, the people are entertained by two separate yet equally important types of shows: traditional sitcoms that get laughs out of everyday situations, like trying to fix your own plumbing or inviting two dates to the same dance, and animated shows that make jokes about farting. This is the latter.

Brian: I probably have a lot to offer young people.
Stewie: What are you going to teach them? How to lick the Dorito crumbs from between the sofa cushions or how to leave a dead bird on the carpet?
Brian: That was a gift, you bastard, that was a gift for the family

Brian: I'm not gonna call the hospital, because you won't learn anything if I do.

Stewie: Just remember, fat man, those jugs are mine until the milk dries up. Then you can have the remains.

Stewie: Let's see the kid with a hearing aid from Bali do this.

Peter: Sorry, our son can sometimes be a boob. Uh, I mean a melon. Uh, I mean a sopping wet pair of breasts barely covered by a racing T-shirt.

Peter: Do you have a picture of yourself that I could tape to the back of Lois's head?

Stewie: I just had a dream I was an egg and I was being hatched by Elisabeth Hasselback.