Quotes from The Courtship of Stewie's Father

Peter: Man, this is the worst job I've had since I was the conductor for the sand people choir.

Peter: I asked around the office, and everyone said you liked animals, so I organized a surprise cock fight.

Slave: They say all peoples must go through some hard times. Well, we Jews are gettin' ours out of the way early. From here on out it's gonna be nothing but smooth sailing.

Peter: There is nothing more precious than a baby's laughter.

Peter: Brian, I feel awful. Stewie and were gettin' along so good, and now he hates me. How do I get him to like me again?
Brian: Well, that depends. Do you really want my advice or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter: What's a hypotenuse?

Peter: Ah, that's good ol' fashioned family racism.

Security guard: Now sing!
Stewie: I shall do no such thing.
Other kid: You must sing. If you don't, they'll make you do a Christmas movie with Tim Allen.

Stewie: Oh, Florida. Just think, somewhere in this state, right now, Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy.