Quotes from Family Guy, Viewer Mail #1

Peter: Oh no. I gotta fart, but I don't know which way to lean.

Lois: Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside, they're dead. And that'll be our lives.

Lois: Well, as I always say, a family of freaks is better than no family at all.

Peter: Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they've never done that.

Peter: Well, we promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly, but I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt.

Tom: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle class Irish family.

Peter: Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.

Peter: Wow, that Lois is some kinda woman.
Quagmire: Yeah, just thinkin' about her makes my testicles wanna drop. Ooh, speak of the devil. Ooh, make the devils.

Tom: Huh, get used to this sight, Diane: guys running away from you.
Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.

Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

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