Quotes from If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'

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Peter: "Tonight Katie Couric guest stars as a very perky crack whore."

Peter: "I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once."
Brian: "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?"
Peter: "Oh yeah."

Peter: "Wow, I look like a freakin' Emmy."

Stewie: "How positively delightful! It's as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubbles."

Peter: "There's gotta be an explanation for all this."
Brian: "You want an explanation? God is pissed!"

Peter: "I'm just a big fake, like the moon landing and Marky Mark's hog in Boogie Nights and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. I don't mean that completely unproved gay rumor, they're just both really phony."

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