Quotes from The King is Dead

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Stewie: "You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, I'm going to kill you."

Peter: "Lois, my penis belongs on stage!"

Peter: "What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them? That's what soap is for, Lois."

Peter: "I thought you wanted to do a good show. If you want to do a bad show why don't we just do 'Rent?'"

Stewie: "You know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno. Look, the fact is the man is out there every bloody night with fresh material and he's charming."

Meg: "I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?"
Lois: "I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?"
Chris: "A bitch."

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