Season 1, Episode 3: Chitty Chitty Death Bang


"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?" -Stewie

"Omigod, it's the Children of the Corn!" -Peter

"Folks in Hazard County hadn't seen a watch fight in a good long time. Them boys wrassled for a full five minutes before the manager stepped in." -Waylon Jennings

"Chris, this is a big day for you, the day you become the man of the house... because when we get home your mother is going to kill me." -Peter

"I have thirteen tickets now, is that enough?" -Timmy
"Oh, sorry, Timmy, but you need fifteen tickets to live." -Prize-man

"You're one of them, aren't you? What are they paying you? I'll double it. I'll give you whatever you want! Money! Women! Men?" -Stewie

"The ruptured capillaries in your nose bely the clarity of your wisdom." -Stewie

"If you're gonna pull a party out of your ass you might want to stand up." -Dog

"Hey, Lois, look! The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change." -Peter

"Hey, birthday dude, you want some ice-cream?" -Chris
"Yes, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find I shall kill you." -Stewie

"Do you have a mind that seeks enlightenment and a heart that seeks purity?" -Esteemed Leader
"Well, not really." -Meg
"Okay, are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from a undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity." -Esteemed Leader
"Wow, that kinda sounds more like me." -Meg


Written by Danny Smith, Directed by Dominic Polcino

Starring Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein, Seth Green. Also starring Lori Alan, Patrick Bristow, Butch Hartman, Mike Henry, Gary Janetti, Waylon Jennings, Rachael MacFarlane, John O'Hurley.

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