Season 1, Episode 2: I Never Met the Dead Man


"Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level." -Stewie

"Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables." -Lois
"Well, then I shall sit here until one of expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman." -Stewie
"Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane...." -Lois
Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!" -Stewie

"Fox has one of those new reality shows at eight, 'Fast animals, slow children.'" -Peter

"Hey, you just knocked out cable TV for the whole town!" -mad guy
"Oh boy... honey, look, there's Bigfoot!" -Peter
"Whoah, whoah, this isn't about me, this is about you." -Bigfoot

"Gee whiz, gang, looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines, and then dumped the body in the river." -Fred
"Geez, what a mystery." -Velma
"Awrroo." -Scooby Doo
"You're right, Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch." -Fred

"Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?" -Brian

"Lois, you've got a sick mind!" -Peter
"Peter, I'm talking about making love." -Lois
"Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money." -Peter

"Now kids, your father's just trying to spend time with his family. Or kill us. I'm not sure which." -Lois


Written by Chris Sheridan, Directed by Michael Dante DiMartino

Starring Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein, Seth Green. Also starring Lori Alan, Butch Hartman, Aaron Lustig, Joey Slotnick, Frank W. Welker.

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